The Koi Pond

25 Best ‘The Office’ Quotes from ‘Koi Pond’

If you’re a fan of ‘The Office,’ chances are you remember the episode ‘Koi Pond.’ This season 6 episode has it all - Michael falls into the pond, Jim gets revenge, and Dwight tries to catch a fish with his bare hands. Of course, with such a memorable episode comes some pretty hilarious quotes. Here are 25 of the best ‘The Office’ quotes from ‘Koi Pond.’

1. Jim Halpert: ‘Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.’

Leave it to Jim to make a joke even while his boss has fallen into a koi pond.

2. Pam Beesly: ‘I think that’s the closest I’ve ever seen anyone come to dying.’

Pam’s concern for Michael quickly turns to relief when she realizes he’s not actually hurt.

3. Dwight Schrute: ‘Did you know that the human head weighs eight pounds?’

Dwight’s fascination with the weight of the human head is as weird as it is hilarious.

4. Andy Bernard: ‘Baby fish mouth. It’s sweeping the nation.’

While trying to make light of Michael’s embarrassing moment, Andy introduces us to ‘baby fish mouth.’

5. Michael Scott: ‘I am one with the fish.’

Only Michael would try to make his fall into the pond seem intentional and enlightening.

6. Stanley Hudson: ‘Typical Michael. Always making it about himself.’

Stanley’s reaction to Michael’s fall is pure gold - and pretty accurate.

7. Dwight Schrute: ‘You’ve got to make sure their feelings are hurt evenly.’

Dwight’s strategy for making sure everyone involved in a prank is equally hurt is one we can all learn from.

8. Michael Scott: ‘I fell in a pond and I fell in love with the water.’

Michael’s attempts to sound philosophical about his accident fall flat - as usual.

9. Dwight Schrute: ‘I’m faster than 80% of all snakes.’

When asked if he’s afraid of snakes, Dwight is quick to remind everyone just how fast he actually is.

10. Jim Halpert: ‘Question - What kind of bear is best?’

If you know, you know.

11. Michael Scott: ‘I apologize to Oscar for being insensitive to his… gayness.’

Michael’s attempts to be politically correct often fall short - and this was one for the books.

12. Dwight Schrute: ‘As a volunteer sheriff, I can tell you that alcohol and firearms do not mix.’

Dwight’s responsibilities as a volunteer sheriff apparently extend to giving sound advice about guns and alcohol.

13. Michael Scott: ‘I’ve always been fascinated by horns. It’s one of my top ten favorite shapes, right behind circles, triangles, and loveable animal shapes.’

We’re not sure how Michael’s obsession with horns ties into falling into a koi pond, but it’s funny nonetheless.

14. Dwight Schrute: ‘I was trying to catch your attention. By hitting you… in the face… with a snowball.’

Dwight’s method of getting Jim’s attention may have been a bit extreme, but it did the trick.

15. Kevin Malone: ‘I find the mystery genre disgusting.’

Kevin’s hatred for mystery novels takes a backseat to the drama of Michael’s fall.

16. Creed Bratton: ‘When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.’

Creed’s attempts to accumulate as many chairs as possible is just one of the many weird things he does on the show.

17. Michael Scott: ‘A wandering coyote does not respect property rights.’

Michael’s attempt to scare his employees about coyotes is both absurd and hilarious - especially given the fact that they work in an office.

18. Dwight Schrute: ‘Perception is reality. I have a black belt in gift wrapping. And I’m the best there is.’

Dwight’s confidence in his gift-wrapping abilities is unrivaled - at least in his own mind.

19. Jim Halpert: ‘You never know what’s going to happen at a crime scene.’

Jim’s willingness to go along with Dwight’s antics never fails to amuse us all.

20. Kevin Malone: ‘I’m like a Rubik’s cube, but the top layer is all jacked up.’

Kevin’s comparison to a Rubik’s cube is one of the many hilarious things he says on the show.

21. Dwight Schrute: ‘I can’t be made to do anything. I’m my own boss. I’m not even my own boss. That’s how good I am.’

Dwight’s insistence that he can’t be made to do anything is just one of the many ways he asserts his dominance in the office.

22. Michael Scott: ‘That’s what she said.’

No ‘The Office’ quote list would be complete without this classic Michael Scott line.

23. Jim Halpert: ‘Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.’

Jim’s beet-loving ways are just one of the many things that make us love him.

24. Dwight Schrute: ‘I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.’

Dwight’s way of expressing his dislike for something is as straightforward as it is hilarious.

25. Michael Scott: ‘Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.’

Michael’s desire for both fear and love may seem contradictory, but it’s also what makes him such a funny and memorable character.